Today marks my second day back to work since Charlotte was born. I never imagined I'd work once I had children. Hubs and I decided that with my income and job flexibility, it was best that I go back to work after our baby girl was born.
I have to say the transition has been harder than I imagined. It probably didn't help that I didn't even think about going back until the day before, essentially in denial that I had to go back. On Monday, I cried as I got Charlotte out of her crib in the morning, and at every other moment I'd be missing once I headed back to work. Bedtime was the hardest, probably because my baby looks so big in her crib now, and also because I didn't want to put her down.
The past two nights she's gotten up to eat in the middle of the night, and I've been okay with that. It gives me a little extra time to enjoy her and hold her close.
The hardest part of this transition is that I worry about not seeing her enough. Yesterday, I went straight to my sisters after work and nursed her around 4:30. By the time I got home and unpacked our bags, she was ready for a nap. I held her in her glider until Hubs got home so we could start dinner. She went to bed around 8, which meant we saw her for about 3.5 hours all day. I worry that I'll miss something in her development by not being with her.
Coming back has also put things into perspective. While on leave, I felt like I was always on her time, and it's hard to be depended on so much, but once that's taken away from you, you want it back. I'd give anything to be at home with her.
I didn't mean for this post to be so down, and I hope that this transition gets easier and better for us as a family. I'm just thankful that Hubs supports whatever decision I make as far as staying at work full-time.
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